Artificial People

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I am artificial and so are you. Are you offended by my statement? Don’t be because we are all a part of this artificial race together. Can the world really handle the truth? I believe the world can handle the truth, but only in small doses because when truth is spoken repeatedly in a nation, a revolution may follow, or when truth is spoken repeatedly one on one, an argument or a fight may follow as well. Why is this? Should not truth reign supreme in every circumstance? Isn’t truth the ultimate goal? I don’t think so for several reasons. For starters, being polite oftentimes is the force behind being artificial. Do you tell a friend who asks you if their nose is too big that yes it most definitely is? Should a husband tell his wife that her beef stew is horrendous? How about the ugly truth about a person’s personality or character. Like a mother who didn’t do a good job raising her children, or a person who is not well-liked because of their bad attitude. The real truth is artificial people arise out of the need to make people feel better about themselves because reality is much harder to deal with.

Artificial people also hide their true selves or their beliefs hoping that the masses will promote them for a higher position of authority. A politician may switch his or her party just to better his or her chances of winning a political race, but may disagree wholeheartedly with the party’s agenda. And many people in power connect themselves with charities or noble organizations to improve their social standing even though they may have no emotional connection to the charity’s cause, mission, or beliefs. Artificial people also lie to themselves about things they know are true such as, an employee who is chronically late to work but believes the trains are the cause for his or her repeated tardiness and actually holds a grudge against the boss because of his or her lateness. Or the criminals who blame society for the many crimes they have committed instead of making even a minimal effort to change the wrongs they observe and are affected by in their communities.

Artificial people are not robots, zombies, vampires, or Frankenstein. Artificial people are you and me. We can be just as fake and phony with our fellow man as Bill Clinton was when he said slowly and with confidence,”I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” (Love you Bill) However, the only way to grow and become a better people than we are right now is to always speak the truth to ourselves and to our neighbor. But it must be with love and compassion and the motivation to make our lives more believable.

Signed,

Pinky.

-aka- The Pink Philosopher

The Vegetarian Hypocrite

ppWhat is hypocrisy? Well, to me a hypocrite is a person who pretends to have virtues or standards that he or she doesn’t actually possess, nor live by, but he or she preaches these virtues and standards as if he or she does possess them. So, a vegetarian hypocrite would be defined as a person who pretends to eat healthy, but secretly indulges in culinary pleasures untold. I hate to admit that I am a vegetarian hypocrite. I desperately want to eat right, but I can be somewhat easily influenced by a television commercial showing a medley of succulent dishes available at The Olive Garden, or God forbid a commercial comes on about a sinful Dove bar or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I have the “willpower,” to refrain, but not the strength to endure. I can be an excellent vegetarian for two months straight with no diversions, but one TV ad, magazine photo, internet ad, or the mere mention of a food that I like will send me into an eating binge that I refuse to control. Thank God my weight doesn’t reflect my appetite so far, but someday it will catch up with me if I don’t get a serious love handle on it. (Get it, love handle. I know I’m corny)

In my defense, at a certain point in my life I was a true vegetarian; nevertheless, now I am only a vegetarian at heart. I still believe that the dietary laws governing vegetarians are highly valuable and promote a healthier lifestyle, but occasionally I do sink my teeth into a sizzling Porterhouse steak with a side of Portobello mushrooms, or a delicious double cheeseburger topped with bacon and fried onions on a sourdough bun with a side of waffle fries and spicy ketchup, and my favorite, sour cream and cheese enchiladas with Picante sauce. (Can you tell I’m hungry?)

And although I do seem greedy, recently, I did make a concerted effort to go back to the way I used to eat and I did well for a short while, but unfortunately, I did succumb to my carnivorous urge a couple of days ago although I didn’t have the pleasure of dining at a five-star restaurant in mid-town Manhattan or at Wollensky’s Grill on 3rd avenue for a first class burger, no my indiscretion was with three double cheeseburger’s from the dollar menu at McDonald’s. I can say it was worth it for three dollars and forty-six cents. I can’t complain, but of course I did feel a little guilty and somewhat hypocritical once I finished though. (I am amazed at how guilt always chooses to show up afterwards, I wonder if that is true guilt?) Anyway, I started to analyze how I felt about my meal and wondered why I felt so bad about it and I realize now it is because I am a vegetarian hypocrite.

Here is some unsolicited advice to prove my point about my status as a hypocrite:

– Please remember to eat your fruits and vegetables daily

– Use a juicer for your drinks

– Avoid processed foods

– Eat plenty of whole grains, including brown rice

– Do not eat meat

– And avoid eating out or ordering in although you may see me eating out at Wollensky’s, or see the delivery man from First Wok coming to my door with Chinese food, please show me that you are not a hypocrite as I am and your dignity will remain intact. Mine is gone.

P.S. I am eating a whole bag of powdered donuts as I write this post and will start eating a full bag of mini white chocolate Kit Kats when I finish this post. Please don’t let that influence you.

download Powdered donuts

– Oh and stay away from white foods including sugar

Signed,

Pinky.

Infinity and Eternity: There is Plenty of Time to Blog

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I cannot begin this post without at least acknowledging that I have not posted in OVER A YEAR!!! Can you believe it? How can I be considered a blogger if I never submit a post for my readers? Well, I trust that “my people” meaning you, will still be interested in what I have to say no matter how long it takes me to say it. Maybe this is naive of me, but I would like to believe that most people have patience and are forgiving, and I believe my faith in humanity will keep me young, but unfortunately, not very timely. HELLO WORDPRESS! I have missed you and you have definitely changed since I last posted a blog, but I still love you and hope that we can re-kindle the relationship we once had. Ok, now that I have repented for my wrongdoing, here is my first post in well over a year. I am a little rusty, but I will get better over time if you continue to work with me. This post is titled, “Infinity and Eternity,” because that is about how long I have to continue posting, so my one year hiatus is really just a drop in the bucket.

Here goes:

Eternity is the mother of infinity because infinity could not exist without eternity. Infinity, as a quantity, goes on forever, which could not be possible if there was no such thing as eternity because a quantity cannot continue to multiply indefinitely if there is no forever. Eternity is not subject to the concept of time, it is the absence of time, because time is not real. For example, an eight-hour work day doesn’t exist in eternity, nor does a 20 minute workout.

So what does all this mean? Well, for me, I would like to have a job that pays me a quantity that is infinite, but doesn’t require me to work for an eternity. I would like to workout for 20 minutes and watch my muscles multiply without breaking a sweat. And I would love a nice shiny candy apple red Toyota Tacoma truck that gets IMPG, which is defined, in my world, as Infinite Miles Per Gallon. I am not sure what infinity means to you, but to me this would be an endless existence that I could live with forever.

Thank you for reading this post. It is very shallow and doesn’t show any of my spiritual side. I promise to be less materialistic and more humanistic (Not a real word) in my future posts. Love you.

P.S. I found out humanistic is a real word, but at the time I wrote this post I thought I was making it up. Somebody beat me to it.

Signed,

Pinky

Why Can’t We Just Be Wrong Sometimes!

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Have you ever felt like you were a very mature person, but then something happened and you realized you still had the mentality of a baby still in utero? Well, I had to analyze a situation that happened to me today and I think it has helped me to mature somewhat. I think I am at least 6 months old now and counting.

I am a freelance writer at the moment. This is a new career for me that I have been doing for about four months now. The company I work for proofreads all of my articles before they are sent to the customers I am writing for and if the customer has any edit requests for a submitted article, they send the article back to the writer with their notes attached. So far, I have never received an article back from a customer until today. I received an e-mail that goes into my writer’s account and is also sent to my personal e-mail address. The client wrote me a note requesting that I add sub-headings to the article as they requested initially in their instructions. At first, I became very defensive. I wasn’t mad at the client specifically, I was questioning the truth of the clients statement that I did not submit the article with sub-headings. How could this be? ( I was talking to the computer as I was frantically searching for the original article so I could double-check it and prove them wrong) Once I found the original copy of the article on my computer, I could clearly see I forgot to add sub-headings. I forgot to mention that in my frantic search for the article, I also blamed my employer for the missing sub-headings and I was saying to myself that they probably deleted the sub-headings when they were reviewing my article and sent it to the client without them. (Now how ridiculous is that? I mean, this is turning into a conspiracy!) However, once I had the evidence in front of me, I had to resign to the fact that I forgot to put in the sub-headings. (What a moment of clarity, this was my aha moment, my epiphany.)

While editing my rejected article, (You know, the one I blamed everybody else for) I analyzed my behavior. (No one actually knows how I was behaving because I was in my room by myself avoiding my roommate and the world at that moment, but I was, of course, aware of the ugly accusations I made in my head, and the defensive position I immediately took once I received the email about my rejected article.) I started to question and say to myself, “Why can’t I just be wrong sometimes?’ Once I started to ask myself this question, I realized how ridiculous it is to expect to be right all the time, or to concoct unrealistic stories in your head that are designed to clear yourself of any wrongdoing or responsibility. Being wrong is not a dirty word. If we were perfect human beings, then it would be upsetting to be accused of doing something wrong, but it is common knowledge that we are all flawed. The cavemen knew this, the vikings were aware of this, the twelve apostles were conscious of their imperfections, and so are we.

Many of us are wrong a lot of times, some of us are wrong sometimes, and many of you know people who are wrong all the time and just can’t get it right. But essentially, “No one is never wrong.” I am not sure this quote I made up is following the rules of grammar (I am a writer, not an English teacher. Sounds strange, but you would be surprised at how many writer’s have a problem writing material that is free of grammatical and spelling errors. Hey, nobody’s perfect!) By the way, I put sub-headings in this blog post, but I suspect WordPress deleted them.

Signed,

Pinky

The Eye of the Beholder

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Recently, I decided to try a new profession, but to my surprise I was not well-received by my new clients. I was hired to take some pictures for several customers that I worked hard to secure for my new money-making venture as a freelance photographer, but I am now in court fighting each one of them for the return of their deposit money and they refuse to give me the balance they owe me. Can anybody see why this is happening to me?

HorseFace

I was hired to take photos for this world famous Jockey and I think this is a very clear shot of him and the horse in the heat of the race. What is his problem?

Headless

This beautiful Russian gymnast hired me to take photos as she performed at a very important competition and I think this is a strong shot of her flexing and tossing her body in the air. She was horrified at this photo and actually ran out of my office in tears. I don’t get it.

Kickin

This client hired me to take photos of the Grand Opening of her new store. I was just trying to capture her as she set up the store before she opened for the first time. I think this is artistic genius at work. So unappreciative!

Pisa

This client had the nerve to get upset with this photo because he said I was trying to get him in trouble with the Italian authorities. This photo made it to the front page of the news and he was branded as a communist and a terrorist against the Italian government and its citizens. He is now in an Italian jail awaiting trial. How is this my fault?

PlayBall

I took this picture at a high school championship game. The woman who hired me was the mother of the star player and this was his winning shot. She is so mad at me because of the artistic flair I added to the shot. She was screaming at me, “Where is my son, where is my son!” I told her I got the most important part and that was the ball going into the hoop. Jeez!!

Photos and images on this post are taken from the following sources:
Bspcn,
Justelite,
Damncoolpics,
TheChive,
Matt Stuart street photography,
MyHumors99 and
Anvari

I will only take advice from my WordPress family. You are my true friends and understand my artistic side, which cannot be understood by others outside or our community. Do you think I have a chance at becoming a famous photographer?

Signed,

Pinky

Because It Wasn’t

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I don’t mean to sound insensitive or curt, (Yes, I do) but sometimes I wonder about people who tell stories about events they have experienced, while constantly injecting the phrase, “That could have been me!” Well, technically it could not have been you. How do I know this? Because it wasn’t. The event has already happened, so it is in the past, and events of the past have already played out, so technically, it is impossible.

However, I do not discount a persons intent for using this phrase. Normally, it is used as a reference to an unfortunate incident that could have been his or her fate because of their close proximity to the event, or timing, or fortunate circumstances that stopped them from being a victim . For example, a person who was walking down the street and just crossed an intersection before the person behind them was hit in the head by a flying watermelon that was catapulted off a speeding eighteen wheeler that was out of control because the driver saw Kate Upton walking up Madison avenue. I can understand why a person would feel “lucky” that he or she did not die by watermelon that day.

Watermelon Head

Sorry for the partial nudity!

Or for instance, a person who decided not to follow their normal routine of going to the bank every Friday to get cash for the weekend and decided to go straight home instead, when that evening they see a news report about how their bank was robbed at staple point by a posse of bandits carrying high-powered staple guns. (You know, the ones you get from Home Depot, not the Family Dollar Store) I can understand why a person would feel “lucky” that he or she escaped being stapled shut.

I guess they did go to Family Dollar.

I guess they did go to Family Dollar.

Or last, but not least, a person who had a heated argument with his wife and decided not to get into the bathtub, after carefully preparing his bubble bath water because of his anger, but then heard his wife scream out because she decided to utilize the inviting bubble bath to unwind from their argument, and gets electrocuted by the  radio that intentionally accidentally falls into the water as she bathes. (Uh, wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right)

Hmm, maybe this wasn't an accident.

Hmm, maybe this wasn’t an accident.

I guess I am attempting to make a point. My point is, “Things can’t happen, that already happened, once they have already happened.” (Yes, I am confused too.)

Signed,

Pinky

A Big Pill to Swallow

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I had a rather boring conversation with a friend today. That is until we started talking about vitamins. Yes, vitamins are the topic of my blog today. (Well, not really) I was on the phone with my friend who was explaining to me that she hates to take big vitamin pills. I agreed with her wholeheartedly because I hate big pills too. She was saying how hard they are to swallow and they make her feel like she could potentially choke to death if she doesn’t get them down her throat in time. (In time for what, I don’t know.) So, as the conversation continued, she told me her big jar of big vitamin pills are now just sitting in her drawer and she won’t take them. Her solution to her big vitamin pill controversy was to go back to the store and get some gummy bear vitamins for adults. (Now that sounds like a plan, or does it?)

As I listened to her, I politely explained my theory to her. I told her she didn’t need to waste her expensive supply of big vitamin pills by letting them sit  in her drawer and expire. I told her to just cut the pill in half and swallow each half by itself. Problem solved!  She paused for a moment after my suggestion and I think she got a little embarrassed. I didn’t mean to make her feel that way, but she quickly brushed the conversation off and diverted our attention to all of the other pills she has to take. Believe me she has no reason to be embarrassed because the advice I gave her was coming from someone who took a typing test for a job (when she was younger) with no paper in the typewriter. (I kid you not, it was so embarrassing. I may write a post about why I did that. Believe it or not it was very logical, but so stupid at the same time. I am sure that employment agency will NEVER forget me) I think today that would be the equivalent of a company asking me to create an excel spreadsheet to test my knowledge of the program and I sit there punching the keyboard with the computer screen off.

My friend has no reason to fret about not thinking about cutting the pills in half because I’m no rocket scientist by any means. (This post alone has proven that) I never told her about the time when I almost ratted out one of my favorite customers long-time extra marital affair with his girlfriend, to his WIFE! (Long story, he brought his wife and his girlfriend into my office on the same day within two hours of each other to get their taxes done and I slipped up, but I made it through, he can cheat in peace now) I even made chicken wings for some friends one evening and somehow used powdered sugar instead of flour. When my friends bit into my sugar crusted chicken, I was very embarrassed.

So where am I going with this? I don’t know. I guess we should just learn to laugh at ourselves sometimes and not be so embarrassed by our “moments of anti-clarity.” These are the things that make us unique, interesting, moronic, and funny.

download (2)

Before

images (21)

And after. Isn’t it amazing how the simplest things escape us sometimes.

Signed,

Pinky

Grey’s Anatomy of a Chicken

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I had a conversation with a friend of mine over the phone the other day and she was asking me to settle a debate she was having with her boyfriend. I listened to the topic they were discussing and I did a quick internet search and called her back with the information. I could hear the disappointment in her voice as I told her what I found on the subject she was debating because it proved she was incorrect. At one point, while I was reading her the information, she even tried to discount my findings so that my information verified her argument. She kept trying to talk over me and I had to continuously interject that the information I gave her was accurate and there was really no disputing it. The topic my friend and her boyfriend were discussing had to do with the location of an organ in chickens called the gizzard (Yes, they were arguing about chicken gizzards, I can’t make this stuff up) and what the function of the organ was, so there was really no argument to be made. So after going back and forth between her and her boyfriend, and hearing him claiming the victory in the background as she was getting more and more annoyed by the minute, I just had to tell her that she was wrong and her boyfriend was right. This conversation made me start thinking about the purpose of debate, and how people can get in the way of the truth, just to satisfy their need to be right.

I will admit, I have a need to be right, at least sometimes, I mean I don’t want to be considered a moron, but learning is really about people’s willingness to change their opinions, assumptions, speculations, and observations when there is verifiable evidence that proves the contrary. The debate my friend and her boyfriend were having was simple. They were investigating the function of a chicken gizzard. Plain and simple. Neither one of them created the chicken, they did not go to school to learn about chickens, nor did either one of them ever consider pursuing a career in the field of Poultry Science, so why argue over the function of a chickens gizzard?

I’ll tell you why, because his girlfriend wanted to be right. She was not concerned about becoming more educated on the function of a chickens gizzard, she just wanted to be right. As you all may, or may not know, I am a pseudo-philosopher. However, the only credential (singular) I have in the field of philosophy is that in college, when everyone warned me about how tough the philosophy teacher was and everyone failed his class, I ended up loving the class and got an A. (I really got a B, but I said I got an A for effect, you understand) So from this enlightening conversation with my friend, I have coined a new phrase, or let’s call it a word of wisdom. (I shouldn’t even be posting this jewel of wisdom until I obtain a patent, or a copyright, or whatever you call it when you make millions off an idea or a thought, but here goes)

“Learn to debate only to get to the truth, not to be right.”

Tough Chicken

The chicken concurs with my philosophy. He says, “Amen, sista.”

Signed,

Pinky

P.S.  (Not completely sure of the accuracy of the term Poultry Science. I think the technical term is Ornithology, but I would rather use Poultry Science because it sounds just as ridiculous as the argument. However, if I am incorrect, please do not debate me, I just want to be right.)

Criminal Minds, Make Soft Behinds Part II

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Hello WordPress family. For those of you (2 people so far) who read my (long) post, Criminal Minds, Make Soft Behinds, here is the update on whether this was a scam or not. Drum roll please………………………………….Yes, it was a scam as I predicted. I received an email from the company and they confirmed that the two people who supposedly hired me were not employees. I called the bank yesterday, but the bank was only able to validate if the account was a real account. This put me in a bad position because the account was a valid account, but I told the bank representative that I had suspicions about whether the check was stolen. but they were not able to give me any other information. So, I decided to log out of yahoo and not to communicate with my “hiring manager, Doris” until I heard back from the company. When I got the email this morning it didn’t matter what the bank said, I knew it was a scam. I opened up my yahoo again and waited for “Doris” to instant message me again. I prepared a statement specially for her. Here is what I wrote to her once she logged in:

“I contacted LBN Medical and you are not an employee, nor is “Michael Crowe” (I’m sure they are not even your real names). I do not appreciate you wasting my time with your elaborate scam to try to get me to cash this bogus check from a personal account to get the money fraudulently. Your ATM instructions were ridiculous and very telling about your intentions. You’ve got a Tyrone Hall from MN sending me a check from Roberta J Reid and Ronald Harris in AZ, who are all these people? Erase all of my information and do not ever contact me again.” She immediately logged off.

Thanks to all of you who seriously considered bailing me out of jail if I had to conduct my own version of a beat down  citizen’s arrest. Too bad “Doris”, “Michael”, and “Tyrone” only exist in cyberspace because they were in for a New York version of a karate, pilates, kickboxing, and ninja warrior style beat down. (That is a sophisticated way of saying I don’t know how to fight)

Signed,

Pinky